Golden Momentos

The Secret Ingredient

2009-09-16T21:02:00.003+05:30

More than a year since I wrote. And there is only one thing which has made me sit up and write- FOOD! What makes an excellent cook?

To give some back ground. I absolutely detest cooking. And I thank my stars that my fiance (yes I am getting married in a couple of months but that is another story) is hands down an expert in this. I have been trying to find some logic as to why he is so good and why I struggle (not that I cant cook well but it taked too much effort on my part).

Here's my hypothesis. He is not scared of experimenting. He thinks there is no logic to it, flow with it and his secret ingredient- add anything and everything in everything. In stark contrast, I calculate everything- the water, the salt even the time it should be left on stove. I go with the secure way- find a recipe and follow it to death.

Even though I know his is the easier and more delicious way, I guess I will still play safely

Only if they would walk faster..

2008-05-15T13:33:00.004+05:30

There is a difference in how we see things- always judging people and how the "mature" people do- supporting us throughout.

I am happy that I have gained some flab (thanks to my compulsive eating at home) and so can work on it. So, I was ready in my jogging attire- bands, new shoes :), plugging the ipod and I was good to go. In fact I created a new playlist of all the songs which would make anyone groove. After a few rounds of warming up, I made those feet run faster and I was finally jogging. But what are these grandmas and pas doing..coming in my way, derailing me. Only if they would walk faster! But now what happened. I cant feel my legs. That burst of energy is gone. After a few minutes, I was just dragging my feet and panting (the music now was drone to my ears). So embarassed I was now just walking. I heard two girls giggling and I smiled thinking "Yes I know you are laughing at me. And you are sympathetic, I would have been more cruel in such a situation".

But then I heard words of encouragement. Someone was saying "Shabash shabash". It was an old lady sitting on a bench. And I was ready to start again :)

Brush with reality

2008-04-21T22:00:00.001+05:30

There are some moments which make you realise that you have yet not seen life. This incident is one of them.
I was teaching some kids. I get some kicks out of that. So one evening I was going through a Payal's art book and there was a note from her teacher "She has not completed her colour filling exercise". For no good reason, I lost my temper. Even on my repeated questioning she didnt give me any reason for not completing it. I punished her by not talking to her again that day. When I told the same to her mother, she answered me with amusing eyes that they cannot afford her crayons at this time.
I was dumbfounded. How could this simple truth escape me? They were probably affording her education with great difficulty. And Payal was very much sensitive to the financial situation at her home.
I have no clue till when will she be able to continue her education or what use if any will be this little erratic education about alphabets and art to her.

I Miss..

2008-04-10T00:50:00.022+05:30

Insti Parties- I attended them only in my second year. But miss the free flow dancing and freely flowing beer bottles, getting drunk, fighting with friends, being dropped back by the same friends, holding myself to tell them I am fine and then dropping with a dhadaaaaaam, waking up late next morn, sitting at Fauji, apologizing for the fights picked up and best of all-always being forgiven :)

Late night walks- Discussions hovering around Who is taking a walk with whom were always savoured with much interest! I avoided them for the fear of losing the few kilos I had gained. Nevertheless, it used to be another activity where I would unload all the secrets (of others ofc)

Back to Back Movies- I still laugh hysterically on the kind of movies we have watched that too in theaters. To name a few- Dhol, Saawariya, Rama Rama Kya Hai Drama, Apna Sapna Money Money et al. But we always had a great time. Commenting out loud and as if it was not enough to have wasted time on watching them, discussing them over and over.

Sleeping- Imagine cushioned seats, drone of some professors discussing Business Environment or Economics or Legal Aspects of Management, air conditioned and curtained class rooms and above all a seat at the end of the classroom, doubled with Rajdeep (turbaned sardarji who used to sit right in front of me) protecting me from the eyes of professors-yes the first year was a heaven for sleeping in classes. Though I never slept in the second year-there was too much time to sleep in room.

Festivities- One amazing thing about IIMs is the way every festival is celebrated. Though the main attraction for everyone was the special menu on these days ( for me yum cakes), but somewhere the spirit of these also caught up with us.

ABOVE ALL MY FRIENDS

Regrets

2008-04-08T22:39:00.002+05:30

I find it hard to regret anything that I have done with my life. Choices come -acknowledged by some, denied by others and unnoticed by many and when you have knowingly or unknowingly made them, where is the room for regret? As long as there is no poverty of opportunity, for good or for worse, I would never regret anything
:-)

Shared Happiness

2008-04-03T22:27:00.004+05:30

3 AM, dark still night, just lying on my swing with my fav music. The experience was ethereal. But I am no poet who can transport the happiness and peace I felt in words. And so began a train of thoughts which broke the calm and set in a melancholy.

Happiness is in a moment. It flies when you spread your hands to catch it. May be thats the reason that only the happiness shared with others has any memory. The rest are just fleeting moments which dont leave any mark or impression on your heart. You experience them to forget them. Someone has to share the same time and (almost the same)space with you for it to be immortal. And that's exactly the same reason we like to experience grief alone. We want to banish it forever from our memory.

Well, it may not be possible to share your moment with someone every time but the next time you feel it, just send a message to your beloved ones in an attempt to share the sublime happiness with them and to let them know that wherever they are, they are being missed :-)

2008-03-28T16:58:00.001+05:30

har mulakat ka anjaam judai kyun hai
is jahaan mein malik teri khudai kam kyun hai

Starting out again

2008-03-27T02:15:00.002+05:30

I had resisted change all my life. That included being phobic of new software upgrades, cynical of people I met, even to the extent of being psychotically attached to my spectacles, dryer and pens. Thats because new things never worked for me and strangers always disappointed me! But the ironic thing is that lately I am being thrown into the situations where encounters with new people and experience of new things cannot be averted. Each time I think that this is where my life would become stable, this is where my journey ends, I have to make a new beginning. For the kind of person I am intrinsically, I am sure that I have fared decently.

All said and done, today change has become the monsoon skyline for me which lifts my spirits when it has the density of a marble.

So, heres raising the toast again to a new road that awaits me.

This reminds me of a song by Whitney Houston.....
Well there's a bridge and there's a river that I still must cross
As I'm going on my journey
Oh, I might be lost

And there's a road I have to follow, a place I have to go
Well no-one told me just how to get there
But when I get there I'll know
Cuz I'm taking it
Step By Step, Bit by Bit,
Stone By Stone, Brick by Brick
Step By Step, Day By Day, Mile by mile

And this old road is rough and ruined
So many dangers along the way
So many burdens might fall upon me
So many troubles that I have to face

Oh, but I won't let my spirit fail me
Oh, I won't let my spirit go
Until I get to my destination
I'm gonna take it slowly cuz I'm making it mine

Step By Step, bit by bit,
stone by stone, brick by brick
Step by step, day by day,
mile by mile, go your own way.

Say it, baby, don't give up
You got to hold on to what you got,
Oh, baby, don't give up,
You got to keep on moving on don't stop.
I know you're hurting, and i know you're blue,
I know you're hurting but don't let the bad things get to you.

I'm taking it step by step, bit by bit (bit by bit come move),
stone by stone (stone by stone yeah), brick by brick
Step by step,day by day,
mile by mile, go your own way!

Giving a Face to an author?

2008-03-25T19:02:00.003+05:30

Would I ever read another work of V.S Naipaul? Despite all I heard and read about his brashness and irritabilty, I considered his works detached of his personal failings though not absolved of his personal experiences. But now between me and his work sits a man who admits to have tortured his wife. Now the same author has a face which repels me.
Can I leave one aspect of life of this person and appreciate his other? Should I appreciate his works inspite of the fact that as a person I may not hold any respect for him. But who am I to make judgements about some other life which I have not experienced. So, the next time I hold his book in my hands, I would try to forget the author and evaluate just the words my mind comprehends. Though I reckon this will be hard.

Why is grief more powerful than happiness?

2007-09-29T21:33:00.000+05:30

Somehow today I kept thinking about grief and happiness.
The most striking and cruel part is the way happiness is in a moment. It's attached to a particular place and time. It can't be transported to another time and space. Though sometimes, you may be taken to past, thinking about the good times. But in the end, you are left wondering and longing-to live once more in that moment.
And grief! It travels with time. It can fill your space, time and life too. It is not transitory in the least. You fight it or accept it. In either case, it fills your life.

In happiness we resist change. Life is perfect at the moment. But grief has the power of shaping our destiny. Why are we the way we are? On reflection, the only answer that comes to my mind is that for good or for bad, my life and probably everyone else’s too is shaped by those moments when we were not feeling at the top of the world but when tears were rolling down our cheeks, when prayers were on our lips and when we were desperately searching our souls for some hope.

Even after so much said and preached, I know the next time I am surrounded by dark clouds, it would take me a long time to see the silver lining. But, I hope to have the strength to see it through everytime

Life with no external disturbance

2007-09-20T21:36:00.000+05:30

The first day in ages when for the whole day I switched off my cell phone, disconnecetd myself from the internet and put a DND sign on my door. Didn't attend any class too. In short, a peaceful existence for a day. So, did I enjoy? Its amazing but the answer is yes I did (a lot). There were no stupid calls asking me "what is in mess?" and "do u have this song?" and no equally insane "hey, how u doing?" pings. Moreover, it was a very fruitful day!
Lately, the temptation of just leaving everyone and everything and being absorbed in myself is growing. But then the fact that I am (just) 24 and have to be atleast independent financially before I can give in to such pursuits.
But, when I can, thats going to be the kind of existence for me. Amen!

Beautiful in retrospection

2007-09-17T02:09:00.000+05:30

Why does everything you hate while experiencing, turn beautiful in retrospection later? I had hated my stay in Bangalore and Mumbai but now I count it as one of the very lively experiences? The only answer which makes some sense to me is that in present you are too busy trying to live, trying to take each step and be on your own. The brain and heart do not work in tandem to let you enjoy. But then when you later ruminate, you dont have to take any decision, everything has happened and now your heart is at an ease to actually live the experience while your brain is at rest :-)

I Vs. We

2007-09-03T00:45:00.000+05:30

It as at times like these-nothing to do-that force me to think is being single the best way to waste your years! I mean when you have freakingly ablsolutely nothing to exert your energies on, would you rather like to waste not one but two souls' time.
Well may be yes. But eventually it ends up being 'WE' rather than me or you. Miraculously you start like doing the same things, the world stops existing for you and there's just one number on your speed dial! Then there are the hard core singles who like to hang out with as many people as they can manage and are always available for everyone..in short keep their options open :)which if they could would never close.
Both lifestyles are tempting and wish you could have both depending on your whims..Nasty thought huh??

Freedom of Imagining Life

2007-07-25T18:40:00.000+05:30

Am writing after a long hiatus. I am not even sure if I have something to write about.

Just came across a phrase-"Freedom of Imagining Life" and it instantly caught my fancy. I remember as a child I would become anything and everything I felt like in my thoughts-from a watchman to a doctor. Years passed by and I lost touch with that wonderful flight of fancies. The life now was restricted by the choices made by me and enforced upon me. Even my dreams lack imagination. I have a very fair idea of what is in store for me. I wish I could change that and even if I am able to live a tiny bit of the kind of life I dreamt of, I will consider myself fortunate.

Males, Females and Non-Males

2007-04-04T02:18:00.001+05:30

I usually hear this word: Non-Males- a lot at IIM. And each time, it gets on my nerves. Why are people so hypocrite? We put in as much effort as any damn f******* guy there! And if we are pretty, we hear..ohh its cos of the looks that you are here and if we are not then we are non-males.
It takes to be a man to live as a woman. No words, no act and no tears can make anyone understand the quantum of courage we possess.
Pardon me if I come across like a staunch feminist. I am for the equality of sexes. We are good at different things and here I would like to quote a friend's (Kushal) words-
"the fact that women empowerment is being attempted in itself proves that they are unequal in fact, i never understand the concept of men and women being equal. arrey bhai, they were not meant to be equal at all. agar equal hi banana tha, to kudrat ne khud hi equal bana diya hota apan kyo itni fight maarte hai. the problem is not the fact that women are incapable of doing some of the work men do and vice versa the problem is, we have classified the work that men do as superior"
My ears are straining to hear more such views. Anyone??

A Perfect Relationship?

2007-03-10T20:39:00.000+05:30

The idea of a perfect relationship sits deep in every ones heart and I am not just talking about the over rated emotion of love. We all wish for a certain someone-be it our family or friends, who understands us without our having to speak a single word. Each person has her own emotional idiosyncracies. This longing is constantly fed upon a dose of movies and melodious songs. But the earlier we realise that this is just wishful thinking, the more are we ready to make an extra effort to make things work. I do not intend to say that dont dream about any such occurence, for dreams are the constant source of strength which help us get through life. But to be able to differentiate between the dreams and reality is the real test of maturity.

I have an opinion about everything!!!

2007-03-07T21:10:00.001+05:30

Dedicated to a friend's friend I have always hated. May be now she will why

Everyone of us must have at one point or the other come across a highly intelligent breed of people who always seem to have an opinion about everything. I do, everyday. It just leaves me thinking how can a person know everything, from theology to politics, to the extent to believe that what you think could not be wrong! Such people tire me ad infinitum. More than the knowledge, how can people be concerned with and interested in everything? There are some things that I just dont care about, they dont affect(effect,whatever is the correct word) me in the least. May be its just me whose cranium is so small and hard as not to be stimulated by each and every stimulus!

Struggle

2007-02-23T14:40:00.000+05:30

Dedicated to a friend to help him see why I dont feel guilty

Ever felt an emotion that keeps the heart still with the fulness of peace. Why does the burden of responsibility or commitment come in the way of happiness? There is a constant strife between what ought to be and what one is creating. The world demands a lot from you and you constantly struggle to provide it. Either you challenge the system or you stiffle yourself by alligning yourself with the 'what ought to be?'. Like most of us, I come in the latter category. You just stop caring about what you desire because it wont be accepted by anyone. Somewhere down the line, in the shadows of pretenses, you forget who you are. You think you ought to feel guilt in case you give in to your desires once in a while. But I dont. May be I have that much confidence to accept who I am. Once I give in to what I want, I have never felt remorse. And this blog is a step forward to let the world know who am I and accept me as I am.